a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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