My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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