i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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