wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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