I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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