he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
