Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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