I never want to see another naked old woman again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sober January is a disaster.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
