i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
