nut hugger
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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