My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
