God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
