I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
