then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
