I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
