Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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