You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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