My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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