I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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