so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
