i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
