Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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