i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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