This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
