The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
