please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
