you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
