There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
