the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
