You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
