The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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