I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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