I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
