I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize