No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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