You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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