no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
