If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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