i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
