just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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