I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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