i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is the high leading the old right now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
