So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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