Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
