wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
