My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
