True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
