hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
