The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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