mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
