i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
