ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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