He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
