I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
