At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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