A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
