I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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