If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
