i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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