OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
