First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
