in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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