When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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