you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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