i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
