I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
