ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
