Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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