found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I supernannyed him into submission
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
