If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
