Kiss
Puke
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I believe in your delicious
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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