Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is it penis luge time yet?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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