no, he came in my armpit
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
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adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?