dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.