In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.