but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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