worst night to have a conscience
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
