good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
