I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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