i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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