i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize