All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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